She’s a Hot Mess!!

Getting your Trinity Audio player ready...

Table of Contents hide

1 Keeping it Cool When Others Run Hot.

2 This Is Her Storm, Not Yours

3 Ground Before You Engage

4 Boundaries Are Love in Action

5 Leave the Drama Without Guilt

6 Final Thoughts: Be the Calm

Keeping it Cool When Others Run Hot.

We all have that person in our lives.She blows into the room like a storm—talking fast, interrupting herself and you in mid-sentence, juggling personal drama and professional chaos, often looking disheveled. She’s usually in some emotional entanglement, never entirely grounded. You like her (or at least like her enough to keep the friendship going, or maybe she’s a colleague), and deep down, you know she means well. But most times you’re around her, you find yourself emotionally winded, like you’ve just run a marathon you didn’t sign up for.

She’s what we lovingly (sometimes exasperatedly) call a hot mess.

And here’s the thing—in most cases, she’s not seeking your opinion or advice. What you think and say rarely lands; it isn’t a dialogue; it’s a monologue. It’s not about connection; it’s about release. You can nod and offer your calm presence, and she’ll continue spinning in her atmosphere. So, how do you stay grounded when someone else is a walking emotional weather system?

This Is Her Storm, Not Yours

The first step is a mindset shift. Remind yourself that you are not the container for the chaos.

She may swirl around you, oversharing and overreacting, but that doesn’t mean you have to absorb any of it. It’s tempting to jump in, offer solutions, try to “talk her down,” or get emotionally entangled in the moment. But here’s the truth: she’s not listening. She’s not seeking clarity. She’s releasing pressure, and you happen to be nearby.

That’s why repeating a phrase to yourself is powerful, like silently saying, “This is her storm. I am not in it,” or devising a mantra that works for you.

That subtle shift—naming the separation between her energy and yours—creates space. You don’t have to judge her or fix her. You have to stay rooted in your steadiness.

Ground Before You Engage

If you know you’ll be around her—whether it’s a get-together, a meeting, or a family gathering—give yourself a few minutes to ground yourself and breathe.

It might seem overwhelming when listening to her share her latest drama, but it’s a good time to notice if anything comes up for you. For example, are you holding your breath, standing rigidly, or rising in temperature?

Getting curious about your reactivity helps you shift from unconscious reaction to conscious choice. And when this person starts unloading (as she likely will), you can remember—this isn’t personal; it’s just her pattern.

Boundaries Are Love in Action

Here’s the gentle truth: she probably won’t notice your boundaries and won’t ask if you are ok with her venting. That’s why you have to hold the line.

Not answering every message right away.

Steering conversations to safer ground when she spirals.

Saying, “I can’t talk about this right now,” without apologizing.

She may push, steamroll, or ignore your cues—but that doesn’t mean the boundary isn’t working. Your peace isn’t up for negotiation. Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re gates that open and close based on what serves your well-being.

Leave the Drama Without Guilt

At some point, you may feel the familiar wave of exhaustion rising. You’ve tried to stay present and kind—but the energy is too much.

Permit yourself to leave—mentally, emotionally, or physically. You don’t need a dramatic exit or a lengthy explanation. A calm, kind sentence is enough. You don’t owe anyone your nervous system. And trying to outlast someone else’s emotional chaos only drains you. Trust that stepping away is not rejection—it’s self-preservation.

Final Thoughts: Be the Calm

You may never change her; honestly, she may not want to change. But you can change how you respond. You can breathe, stay rooted, and offer compassion without surrendering your sanity. See it for what it is—it has nothing to do with you, so don’t overspend too much of your energy.

She might always be a hot mess.

But you? You’re learning how to stay calm, clear, and unshakably you.

And that’s powerful.